Celebrities give the weirdest Christmas gifts…
Christmas gifts come in three categories: the good, the bad, and the crazy. While an excellent Christmas gift might be the Tesla, you’ve been yearning for, and a not-so-excellent Christmas gift might be a state-shaped paperweight bought at an airport concession, the crazy Christmas gift is neither good nor bad. It might not be pleasant, useful, or worthy of taking up space in your brain. But it will be etched in your memory as the gift you’d least expected. Read on and you might be glad you're not getting any celebrity Christmas gifts.
Here’s a list of the craziest Christmas gifts since Santa first fell down the chimney. And – surprise, surprise. Celebrities have cornered the market when it comes to crazy. Or perhaps that’s no surprise at all …
Celebs love monkeys
In 2017, the singer Chris Brown bought his daughter a monkey for Christmas. Unfortunately, Brown didn’t have an exotic pets permit, and the California Department of Fish and Wildlife pressed charges. Justin Bieber had more luck with his Christmas monkey – he got away with a stern warning when the Munich police seized the innocent creature during a tour. The monkey now happily resides in a German zoo.
As you gather around the tree this Christmas, spare a thought for the British Royal Family. It must be hard to buy your grandmother a nice gift when she already has several castles and more hand-carved ceremonial spears than anyone could wish for. This is why the royals typically give each other joke presents – Prince Harry once gave the Queen a shower cap emblazoned with the words “Ain’t life a bitch.” From Meghan Markle, she received a singing hamster. And, back in the day, Princess Anne gave Prince Charles a leather-clad toilet seat. By the way, this is all true, hand over heart.
Pigs can’t play soccer
It’s true, they can’t. But that didn’t stop Victoria Beckham from buying David Beckham a pair of 13-pound micro pigs for Christmas in 2009. Recently, it was revealed that “micro-pigs” was a marketing scam – once they’re well-fed, micropigs increase in size until they need their own sty. Where are Pinky and Perky Beckham now? We all love a Christmas bacon brunch.
Creepy Uncle Hunter
Trigger warning. When she was nine years old, Jack Nicholson's daughter, Lorraine, received a beautifully-wrapped Christmas present from her father's friend, Hunter S. Thompson. Inside was a horrifyingly graphic model of a rat stuck in a trap and covered with blood. The note read:"Dear Lorraine. This will teach you a lesson about trusting men, which will be valuable later in life. You're welcome, Uncle Hunter." Lovely.
Each year, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop holiday gift guide is a hit list of seriously weird Christmas gifts – even by Hollywood standards. From gold leaf papers to roll your Christmas spliff to crystal vaginal eggs and clip-on bidets, Gwynnie has got stocking fillers sorted. Last year’s catalog proffered a Spanish village and a levitating lightbulb – this year, you can buy dehydrated caviar and a ticket to space. S&M gear is also a Goop favorite, reframed as “restraining arts.” Get it while it’s hot.
All I want for Christmas is a giant stuffed giraffe
And finally, what would a Christmas gifts list be without reference to Mariah Carey? This year, she’s teamed up with Amazon to share her “wish list” – gifts which are all the more weird for being selected by the multimillionaire singer. Does Mariah’s heart really burn for a giant stuffed giraffe, we wonder? Or a sexy Mrs. Claus apron? An interactive smart bone for her pedigree pooch? A portable movie cinema programmed with Disney movies and fun educational videos? A karaoke machine to sing along to your own hit single? Sure, Mariah.
If Jeff Bezos can persuade Mariah that her heart’s desire is an $83 plushie, what hope is there for the rest of us? I don’t know. But perhaps now you’ll feel relieved when you receive the same old knitted socks on Christmas morning. Sometimes it’s nice to be a nobody.