what is love
Culture

Love Isn’t What You Think It Is

Love isn’t an emotion. But what is it?

BY Alan Bursky
Jun.29,2020 / UPDATED ON JUL.22,2020

For thousands of years, philosophers have been trying to answer the question, what is love? I doubt we'll ever answer that question, but we found a few things that might surprise you. First, love is not an emotion. Love is a condition, just like hunger. Romantic love, what most people think of when they love someone, is triggered by dopamine in the brain, the same as being on cocaine, not that I've ever tried that.


Love at first sight is nothing but lust and infatuation. The idea of another person being your other half is a neurosis. If you need to have another person to make you happy it is because you're a needy person with low self-esteem. You need another person to fill your insecurities. How can a woman be in love with a man who abuses her? Beats her. Cheats on her. Uses her. Takes her money. But the woman will say she loves him. She needs him. You don't have to be a doctor to know that this is a mental disorder.


As we know it today, romantic love was invented in the middle age by wandering troubadours making up love songs and poetry about romance to woo a woman when they had nothing to offer her. In those days, if a man had no property to offer his mate, the idea was to swoop her off her feet by serenading her with heroic deeds he would do for her. Nonsense, of course.


How many times have you heard someone say, I will learn to love him or her? Fear is an emotion. Love is not. Can you learn to be afraid? Psychologists today will tell you love is a condition. Even a choice you consciously make. Sex, on the other hand, is a drive built into human beings to keep the species going. Clearly, sex is not love. You can have sex with a person you actually dislike. You can love someone, even be in love with someone you never have sex with.


You always hear people say, I love that movie. Some people will watch their favorite movie hundreds of times. They love that movie because when they watch it, the chemicals in their brain that give pleasure are activated.


When you have lust, infatuation, and sex-drive all at the same time and both people reciprocate you say you’re in love and get married. For years that person is your whole world. You might say that you couldn't live without them. But ten years later, you're divorced, and that person is the most hated person on the planet. Some years later, you meet someone else, and it happens all over again. 


Scientists today believe certain serotonin levels in the brain cause people to have different depths of what we think of as love. Mix passion, possessiveness, and jealousy together, and you have a recipe for murder. Will you die for love? Will you kill for love? People do. Perhaps this is mental illness. For a healthy relationship, you have to be happy with yourself. So, a thousand years from now, we will be asking the same question. What is love? Am I in love? But here is something everyone knows. If you want unconditional love, get a dog. Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for two hours. When you open the trunk, guess who is happy to see you?

Keywords: what is lovedopamineloveromanceLove at first sight love without sexunconditional loveserotoni
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